email dated January 14, 2008
The first change comes to an end this week and I lose my good trainer. I am really sad about that. More than anything I am nervous for a new companion and to find out if I am staying here in Artigas or not. I pray with all my heart that I do stay. I love the people here, we are seeing success and changed hearts in the ward. The ward and the Bishop are SOOO frustrating at times, but we are seeing success and also the first baptisms this area has had in a while. The very first baptisms that aren't kid baptisms in 6 months, I think. I always tell the members when they complain that the Bishop sucks and they want him to be released or they won't come back, "Just have faith, with time, we will see growth here. We need patience. We have prayed countless hours to know what to do here. We just need to stay patient and have faith." It would be hypocritical if I wasn't an example of this. Although, after a week like this it is super hard.
Our chapel hadn't been cleaned in over a month, and was starting look pretty gross. We found out the Janitors are on a 2 month vacation. No biggy, we decided we wanted to clean the chapel. We asked the Bishop if we could borrow the key to the cleaning closet to clean the chapel. he got all defensive and yelled at us: "Look! I am the Bishop. It is my church!! I am in charge of it being cleaned. It has been cleaned 3 times this week. I am the bishop! It is my church!" He straight up lies quite a bit. We said, "were just trying to do service. We have to do 4 hours of service a week. It would help us out and the chapel will be nice and clean for Sunday." Either way, the Bishop was way offended that we were walking on his turf and so he hasn't talked to us in 2 days. Church yesterday was AWFUL!!! The members one by one started leaving during sacrament meeting to fight in the hallways. The stake high councilor just kept giving his talk, but all you could hear was the fighting in the halls because the microphone isn't working. Our golden investigators were crying during the closing hymn because the words were all about unity and being together. Luckily, they still believe the church is true. The Bishop didn't even notice the talk or the fighting because he was looking through his notebook the whole meeting. All I could think was how happy I was that the other investigators we invited to church didn't come. I don't even want them to come to church!!! I feel guilty about that, but I don't want to invite them to church. I am not going to invite them to church unless the ward is going to be ready for it. The church isn't ready to receive anyone! If the spirit isn't there, I just don't know what we will accomplish by bringing them to church. Anyway, I am frustrated ahora. But it is going to be okay. I have seen change, and they all have the desire to have a good ward. They just need us to work with them. It will get better. I prayed, again crying my eyes out, what to do. My answer was very clear that I would see miracles if I have faith first. So I am going to not lose heart. That very day after this prayer one of our menos activos who had actually said "What nonsense!!!" When we talked about the temple and how she could be sealed to her family and dead husband. Anyway, she told me with tear filled eyes that she wants to go to the Temple and quit smoking, and do everything it takes to get there. She started reading the Book of Mormon finally and is hauling through it. This mission thing is an emotional roller coaster. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. I hope with all my heart I stay here in Artigas. I know the people and the area. I want to stay here and keep working with them. I just think it would be better than some new missionaries coming in.
I am doing alright. Really, I am just a little worried about the new companion. I really hope he isn't lazy, that he is obedient and that we will work well together. There is way too much lack of unity in the ward, if we the missionaries aren't in unity this area will fall apart. Elder Dennis says this is the hardest area he has had in his whole mission in a number of ways. So I feel grateful to be starting here to start preparing me for whatever else Uruguay has to offer me. I love this country. I am having fun down here too. It is fun being on a mission. It is just hard too. It is a common misconception that you will be able to sleep like a log every night because of how exhausted you are. I have never been more tired, and I have never had a harder time sleeping at nights. My mind is racing through the faces of investigators, members, and SPANISH! I had a night where I dreamt, more like had nightmares, the whole night in Spanish. I woke up feeling like I hadn't even slept a minute. But my Spanish was better that day from a good 8 hours of practice that I don't usually get. I am speaking alright. This week I just barely started realizing that I understand them when they are talking now. Not everything, but way more than half of the time now. And I can speak back much better than I could when I got here. I am not stressed about the language. It is coming. The Portuguese is annoying, but oh well.
So anyway, that is the gist of my area right now. I have pretty much shared everything that occupies my mind throughout the week. I feel like I am running out of things to say, unless I feel like giving you more details about the conversations I have had with the Bishop and the members and some interesting contacts and investigators. The work is progressing. We aren't the best ward in the world, but we are progressing. That is all the Lord asks.
I know that the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a fact. It is a reality. The prophet Joseph Smith really did speak with God the Father and the Son. I teach this every day and whether or not they believe it, my faith in it is always strengthened when I feel the spirit testify to me that what I am teaching is true.
love you all!! It is your turn to write me!
Andy
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
My Time is Shorter
email dated 1-7-2008
All is well here. I am happy, healthy, and have realized that as an American boy, son of an elementary school teacher, now director of something at Granite School District, I am filthy wealthy. The people here are poor. But their not as povertous as I had once imagined. They do alright. But they are indeed poor. Be grateful for air conditioning, heating, and most of all for carpet. Oh I miss carpet!!!! The people here are kind and enjoy a lot of simple things in life. I have never seen such a content people to sit for hours with only their thoughts.
One thing unique about Uruguay, which I don't remember if I have shared yet, is the Siesta. Every day there is a break from everything from noon til 4. We can't proselyte. People will kill you if you interrupt their Siesta. Everybody takes naps. It is 120 degrees, so I don't really blame them. We have to go back to our apartment from noon til 3 everyday and go back out and proselyte til 9. Don't think that means We get a break though. Our study time is changed from morning to afternoons. I gotta say, I think studying in the afternoon when it is that hot and you have lunch in your stomach is one of the hardest things I have ever done. And I like to think I am a good studier, but it is hard work here. The struggle here is that people don't wake up until 10 or 11, so you have to get lucky with morning teaching appointments. We try to look for service to schedule for mornings a lot. The most successful time of day is from 6 to 9. Any earlier and you won't find a single person in the street, so unless you have an appointment, you have a frustrating few hours searching. Luckily, we usually have people that we can visit.
We have 2 baptisms next Saturday of the most elect people I have ever met in my life. A 17 year old daughter and her mother. Each have individually read from 1 Nephi to Alma. Each know independently, and have born testimony, and love coming to church, and they will tell you that they know it is true. The girl had a friend get on her case for meeting with the Mormons, and the friend tried to say all these things about why we are a bogus church. Our smart investigator, decided to read the Book of Mormon for a few hours and pray. She said she felt the spirit so strong and she knows, without a doubt, that it is true. I love them SO much. They are the light in the middle of the darkness. They give me hope every day. I love our daily visits with them, at the end of everyday. I always get to end the day on a good note. They are amazing.
All is well here. I am doing just peachy. I have got my act together, and I am focused and happy and having fun. We are going to Brazil today for a few hours this afternoon. It is our Zone activity. The Zone Leaders approved it, what started as a joke when I said we should go to Brazil, is now happening. I hope they checked with President or the APs, either way its not my fault. It is our Zone Activity today. I am excited. I have to go. I love you all so much!!! Take care. Remember to pray always.
Ciao!!
Andy
All is well here. I am happy, healthy, and have realized that as an American boy, son of an elementary school teacher, now director of something at Granite School District, I am filthy wealthy. The people here are poor. But their not as povertous as I had once imagined. They do alright. But they are indeed poor. Be grateful for air conditioning, heating, and most of all for carpet. Oh I miss carpet!!!! The people here are kind and enjoy a lot of simple things in life. I have never seen such a content people to sit for hours with only their thoughts.
One thing unique about Uruguay, which I don't remember if I have shared yet, is the Siesta. Every day there is a break from everything from noon til 4. We can't proselyte. People will kill you if you interrupt their Siesta. Everybody takes naps. It is 120 degrees, so I don't really blame them. We have to go back to our apartment from noon til 3 everyday and go back out and proselyte til 9. Don't think that means We get a break though. Our study time is changed from morning to afternoons. I gotta say, I think studying in the afternoon when it is that hot and you have lunch in your stomach is one of the hardest things I have ever done. And I like to think I am a good studier, but it is hard work here. The struggle here is that people don't wake up until 10 or 11, so you have to get lucky with morning teaching appointments. We try to look for service to schedule for mornings a lot. The most successful time of day is from 6 to 9. Any earlier and you won't find a single person in the street, so unless you have an appointment, you have a frustrating few hours searching. Luckily, we usually have people that we can visit.
We have 2 baptisms next Saturday of the most elect people I have ever met in my life. A 17 year old daughter and her mother. Each have individually read from 1 Nephi to Alma. Each know independently, and have born testimony, and love coming to church, and they will tell you that they know it is true. The girl had a friend get on her case for meeting with the Mormons, and the friend tried to say all these things about why we are a bogus church. Our smart investigator, decided to read the Book of Mormon for a few hours and pray. She said she felt the spirit so strong and she knows, without a doubt, that it is true. I love them SO much. They are the light in the middle of the darkness. They give me hope every day. I love our daily visits with them, at the end of everyday. I always get to end the day on a good note. They are amazing.
All is well here. I am doing just peachy. I have got my act together, and I am focused and happy and having fun. We are going to Brazil today for a few hours this afternoon. It is our Zone activity. The Zone Leaders approved it, what started as a joke when I said we should go to Brazil, is now happening. I hope they checked with President or the APs, either way its not my fault. It is our Zone Activity today. I am excited. I have to go. I love you all so much!!! Take care. Remember to pray always.
Ciao!!
Andy
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Email Dated 12-31-07
Well, the mission thing is still going alright, here in the land of much sand and many stray dogs. The dogs are crazy, I tell you. You can't really trust them. Some of them appear very amiable, but are ravenous wolves. I wish I could pet some, but alas, like everything out here, it is against mission rules. It's alright though, because it keeps me safe from fleas. The hermanas in our zone have fleas, that stinks. Anyway, the point is that there are more dogs out here than people, and I've started asking my companion if we can count dogs as contacts because we are called to preach the gospel to every creature...so I tried it out. I knelt down and tried inviting a dog to church on Sunday and it freaked out and tried to jump and bite me. I will never invite another dog to church. Oddly enough, yesterday, a dog tried to come into church 'cause the door was open, like always because we are desperate for any kind of a breeze. Anyways, this dog walked right into the chapel. I had to kindly invite it to leave. I still wished I had counted it as an investigator in church.
It's getting pretty hot down here. I sweat more than I knew was possible. I am pretty much sweating buckets down here. But that should be taken as a good sign, because it tells you I am drinking enough. Which by the way, I am. I feel like I'm drinking to run a marathon.
Tonight is New Years. We are allowed to be out til 12-thirty, but were really not. You can be up and out that late if you have a ride back home. Here's the issue, there are no taxis working past 10. So you really have to be back home just like any other night. The AP's were pretty ridiculous about that. We asked if we could use our New Years, seeing as it is P-day also, and since we can't proselyte tonight, to be together at some other missionary's in our zone casa because they live with a member who has a HUGE house and plenty of room. The AP's said no, simply because they can tell us what to do, and refused to inquire of the president if it could be appropriate. Apparently everybody here hates the AP's. I'm trying to stay out of it.
So here is my story for the week. It will be a different one than any previous or to come, at least I hope.
I have been working my hardest out here. I have tried to hit the ground running, to speak this language (I am getting better), to be the best missionary I can be, etc... But this last week I just felt something was off. Starting on Wednesday I had this utter emptiness in me, and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I can't describe it any better than to say I felt empty. I asked myself, "Is this really how I am supposed to feel while serving a mission? I hate this feeling! Where does it come from? Am I doing something wrong?" and with some hard days and seemingly impossible investigators I found myself asking, "What am I even doing out here?" I couldn't shake this empty feeling I had in me. Sometimes when we were teaching I felt the spirit and for a few minutes felt good, but as soon as we were back out on the street I couldn't shake the empty feeling inside. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't be feeling anything but this. It was hollow. I felt lonely. I was driven to my knees a lot, and just couldn't feel anything!!! I couldn't figure it out. Finally, in companionship inventory on Saturday morning, I told my companion that I felt like something was missing. With tear-filled eyes I told him we must be doing something wrong. Why aren't our investigators getting it. We are telling them that a man saw God and Jesus Christ and an angel led him to a golden book that he translated into scripture that can save the world and people are just nodding their heads, "clearly, for sure, that's nice, I believe that's true, etc..." A lot of people are very receptive, but completely complacent. Nothing gets through into their hearts. I said I think we need to be more clear, teach harder and longer to increase understanding, to at least do something because I can't shake this empty feeling and I just feel like were doing something wrong. "What am I doing wrong!?" I pleaded. My wise companion told me "you aren't doing anything wrong. We can't force anyone to understand. We bring the message and the spirit UNTO them, they have to open their hearts. We can scream at them and they won't feel or hear anything that they don't want to. This is missionary work. It is hard. I've done it almost 2 years. You have to learn to love the work. That's the only way." Very kindly he asked me if I loved the work yet. I told him I wasn't sure just yet, but that I could learn. That night, I was driven hard to my knees and found myself just sobbing and crying harder than I can ever remember crying. I begged to know "Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Is this how I am supposed to do it? Why do I feel so empty? What am I even doing out here!?". I cried and cried. The words of my companion came back into my head "You have to learn to love the work. Really, we don't do anything but deliver a message. We rely on the Lord for the rest." It finally started coming to me that all of my crying and all of this empty feeling that I could not figure out was building me up to this broken heart. In reality I have been searching for a humility that I have never had in my life. I studied and prepared A LOT for my mission. I came out here knowing I can answer any doctrinal question they can have about the church, I can show them any scripture I know to prove it, etc... But the only thing I am asked to do is trust in and follow the Lord. The Lord was preparing me out here with that empty feeling to find a broken heart. Hours later on my knees I found that broken heart. The Lord can use me any way he wants to now, because I have finally come to the realization that I really am nothing without him, especially in this work. How can anyone deliver the message of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ without Jesus Christ. I am broken. But I have never felt more whole. I cried my way into understanding my purpose better out here. The Lord had to break my heart and bring me to tears because I gave him no other way. Anyway, I don't know if I told this very well, but let it be known that I feel good now. I don't feel that emptiness anymore. I am starting to understand what this work really is. It isn't a dream come true, it isn't exactly how we dream and expect it will be since we were 10 years old, but it is a marvelous work. I have a long way to go, but I think I am going to be a lot more malleable and allow the Lord to use me the way He wants to.
I feel a lot better now. I believe that I can play a part in making a difference out here. One of the Hermanas in our zone got sick and went to Montevideo, and so Elder Dennis and I worked their area this weekend to help them out. The Hermanas have no idea how lucky they are! Their ward has priesthood. They have over 140 active members. They have a bishopric, Sunday school teachers who are there, everybody was at church on time, they had a nice chapel instead of a room to set up chairs in (like our ward), etc... It was so nice being in their ward. We received 2 references that we didn't even have to ask for because members found out where we labored and said "I know someone over there. Teach them. If you want I can come too." It was amazing!! Seeing their ward gave me hope. Our ward really struggles. Yesterday I got really upset at the Bishop for letting little girls prepare the sacrament and trying to let a non-member bless the sacrament!!! He doesn't get it. I was really upset, but I kept it cool. I calmly told him that that was a priesthood responsibility, and if we don't have the priesthood sufficient in the ward to do it he can always ask us, the missionaries to do it for the ward. We have a lot of work to do here, but anyway the point of my story, is that I have seen that there are good members down here and that there is a hope. I pray and hope for my favorite family in the ward, the Diaz family, which happens to have 5 boys, to stay strong. The 5 of them could make it on a mission and be a HUGE blessing for Artigas Bario 4.
I am getting better at Spanish everyday. I had lunch with some members yesterday and didn't even realize I was speaking Spanish with them and I understood what they were saying most of the time. It felt pretty good. One of these days I will be pretty fluent and it is going to be SO cool. Its funny, because I don't feel like I am getting better, but I know that I am. Elder Dennis says it feels the same way for everyone. He said I speak 10 times better than when I got here, but I don't feel that way. I guess it just kind of gradually sneaks up on you until you can speak Spanish, as long as you keep studying and praying for the gift of tongues. The Portuguese still frustrates me, but what can you do?
We've joked about walking to Brazil for a New Years party. We can see Brazil right from a hill in our area. There's nothing to stop us from going over there. That way I can say I've been in 3 countries! We probably won't ever go over there.
Anyway, I need to go now. The work continues, and I am trying to do my best and be my best. I love you all so much. Happy New Years!! Take care!!
Sincerely,
Andy
It's getting pretty hot down here. I sweat more than I knew was possible. I am pretty much sweating buckets down here. But that should be taken as a good sign, because it tells you I am drinking enough. Which by the way, I am. I feel like I'm drinking to run a marathon.
Tonight is New Years. We are allowed to be out til 12-thirty, but were really not. You can be up and out that late if you have a ride back home. Here's the issue, there are no taxis working past 10. So you really have to be back home just like any other night. The AP's were pretty ridiculous about that. We asked if we could use our New Years, seeing as it is P-day also, and since we can't proselyte tonight, to be together at some other missionary's in our zone casa because they live with a member who has a HUGE house and plenty of room. The AP's said no, simply because they can tell us what to do, and refused to inquire of the president if it could be appropriate. Apparently everybody here hates the AP's. I'm trying to stay out of it.
So here is my story for the week. It will be a different one than any previous or to come, at least I hope.
I have been working my hardest out here. I have tried to hit the ground running, to speak this language (I am getting better), to be the best missionary I can be, etc... But this last week I just felt something was off. Starting on Wednesday I had this utter emptiness in me, and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I can't describe it any better than to say I felt empty. I asked myself, "Is this really how I am supposed to feel while serving a mission? I hate this feeling! Where does it come from? Am I doing something wrong?" and with some hard days and seemingly impossible investigators I found myself asking, "What am I even doing out here?" I couldn't shake this empty feeling I had in me. Sometimes when we were teaching I felt the spirit and for a few minutes felt good, but as soon as we were back out on the street I couldn't shake the empty feeling inside. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't be feeling anything but this. It was hollow. I felt lonely. I was driven to my knees a lot, and just couldn't feel anything!!! I couldn't figure it out. Finally, in companionship inventory on Saturday morning, I told my companion that I felt like something was missing. With tear-filled eyes I told him we must be doing something wrong. Why aren't our investigators getting it. We are telling them that a man saw God and Jesus Christ and an angel led him to a golden book that he translated into scripture that can save the world and people are just nodding their heads, "clearly, for sure, that's nice, I believe that's true, etc..." A lot of people are very receptive, but completely complacent. Nothing gets through into their hearts. I said I think we need to be more clear, teach harder and longer to increase understanding, to at least do something because I can't shake this empty feeling and I just feel like were doing something wrong. "What am I doing wrong!?" I pleaded. My wise companion told me "you aren't doing anything wrong. We can't force anyone to understand. We bring the message and the spirit UNTO them, they have to open their hearts. We can scream at them and they won't feel or hear anything that they don't want to. This is missionary work. It is hard. I've done it almost 2 years. You have to learn to love the work. That's the only way." Very kindly he asked me if I loved the work yet. I told him I wasn't sure just yet, but that I could learn. That night, I was driven hard to my knees and found myself just sobbing and crying harder than I can ever remember crying. I begged to know "Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Is this how I am supposed to do it? Why do I feel so empty? What am I even doing out here!?". I cried and cried. The words of my companion came back into my head "You have to learn to love the work. Really, we don't do anything but deliver a message. We rely on the Lord for the rest." It finally started coming to me that all of my crying and all of this empty feeling that I could not figure out was building me up to this broken heart. In reality I have been searching for a humility that I have never had in my life. I studied and prepared A LOT for my mission. I came out here knowing I can answer any doctrinal question they can have about the church, I can show them any scripture I know to prove it, etc... But the only thing I am asked to do is trust in and follow the Lord. The Lord was preparing me out here with that empty feeling to find a broken heart. Hours later on my knees I found that broken heart. The Lord can use me any way he wants to now, because I have finally come to the realization that I really am nothing without him, especially in this work. How can anyone deliver the message of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ without Jesus Christ. I am broken. But I have never felt more whole. I cried my way into understanding my purpose better out here. The Lord had to break my heart and bring me to tears because I gave him no other way. Anyway, I don't know if I told this very well, but let it be known that I feel good now. I don't feel that emptiness anymore. I am starting to understand what this work really is. It isn't a dream come true, it isn't exactly how we dream and expect it will be since we were 10 years old, but it is a marvelous work. I have a long way to go, but I think I am going to be a lot more malleable and allow the Lord to use me the way He wants to.
I feel a lot better now. I believe that I can play a part in making a difference out here. One of the Hermanas in our zone got sick and went to Montevideo, and so Elder Dennis and I worked their area this weekend to help them out. The Hermanas have no idea how lucky they are! Their ward has priesthood. They have over 140 active members. They have a bishopric, Sunday school teachers who are there, everybody was at church on time, they had a nice chapel instead of a room to set up chairs in (like our ward), etc... It was so nice being in their ward. We received 2 references that we didn't even have to ask for because members found out where we labored and said "I know someone over there. Teach them. If you want I can come too." It was amazing!! Seeing their ward gave me hope. Our ward really struggles. Yesterday I got really upset at the Bishop for letting little girls prepare the sacrament and trying to let a non-member bless the sacrament!!! He doesn't get it. I was really upset, but I kept it cool. I calmly told him that that was a priesthood responsibility, and if we don't have the priesthood sufficient in the ward to do it he can always ask us, the missionaries to do it for the ward. We have a lot of work to do here, but anyway the point of my story, is that I have seen that there are good members down here and that there is a hope. I pray and hope for my favorite family in the ward, the Diaz family, which happens to have 5 boys, to stay strong. The 5 of them could make it on a mission and be a HUGE blessing for Artigas Bario 4.
I am getting better at Spanish everyday. I had lunch with some members yesterday and didn't even realize I was speaking Spanish with them and I understood what they were saying most of the time. It felt pretty good. One of these days I will be pretty fluent and it is going to be SO cool. Its funny, because I don't feel like I am getting better, but I know that I am. Elder Dennis says it feels the same way for everyone. He said I speak 10 times better than when I got here, but I don't feel that way. I guess it just kind of gradually sneaks up on you until you can speak Spanish, as long as you keep studying and praying for the gift of tongues. The Portuguese still frustrates me, but what can you do?
We've joked about walking to Brazil for a New Years party. We can see Brazil right from a hill in our area. There's nothing to stop us from going over there. That way I can say I've been in 3 countries! We probably won't ever go over there.
Anyway, I need to go now. The work continues, and I am trying to do my best and be my best. I love you all so much. Happy New Years!! Take care!!
Sincerely,
Andy
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