So Complicated‏

email dated 11/25/08
This week is complicated because of interviews and because of our choir concert and because my companion and I have both been out sick. P-Day was yesterday but I only felt good enough to go out and do email for 30 minutes before feeling faint and wanting to go home. Being today P-Day for many other parts of the mission, I am justifying writing home today because a man in our ward suggested that we use the church computers in the family history center, right across the street from us, to do our emails.

So I won't have any good stories for this week because my companion and I couldn't go out after Tuesday of last week. It is lucky that we were both sick at the same time. It made it easy to rest because we didn't feel bad staying in knowing that the other had to stay in as well. I am starting to feel better, but my companion sounds and feels the same as a week ago. If this keeps up as I start feeling better we will have to do divisions all week so that I can go out and work. I prefer to work with my companion and not have to do divisions with members so I ask that you all pray for Elder Stevenson so that he can recover and we can resume work as usual.

Last week I wrote about a very sensitive matter. My main goal behind that was to inform you all that this hasn't been easy for me. You all know how I am politically and you all know that I am a devout Latter Day Saint. I felt torn. In this current situation it seemed that faith and politics were pulled into the same plane. That complicated things for me. It still isn't easy, but I stand by everything I said last week.

The Book of Mormon is true! Every other issue, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, pales in comparison. Because when I know that the Book of Mormon is true, I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that His church is on the earth today. Elder David A. Bednar of the Council of the Twelve came to the MTC while I was there. I remember his talk as if it were yesterday. He talked about the 13 Articles of Faith, and how every question or doubt our investigators may have we can take it back to the basic steps of the Articles of Faith. If our investigator asks "why didn't blacks get the priesthood until 1978.." they aren't asking about the priesthood. Their doubt is whether or not Joseph Smith was a prophet. If they ask about polygamy, again the same thing. And now the personal application, if I ask about gay marriage, indeed a very difficult issue for me in our times, etc... My confusion very well may be whether or not it is appropriate for the church to get involved in the issue, but the doubt doesn't change. Did a 14 year old boy see God the Father and Jesus Christ 200 years ago? I don't understand everything. But I can have no doubt that the Book of Mormon is true. And I have no doubt about that book. And with that testimony I can face any difficult to understand topic, because whether or not the answer to the question is attainable in this life, I can rest assured that if I do as the Book of Mormon teaches me and as my Savior teaches me, the answer will be revealed unto me.

"There is nothing which is secret save it shall be revealed, there is no work of darkness save it shall be made manifest in the light, and there is nothing which is sealed upon the earth save it shall be loosed." (2 Nephi 30:17)

"Behold, great and marvelous are the works of the Lord. How unsearchable are the depths of the mysteries of him. And it is impossible that man should find out all his ways. And no man knoweth of his ways save it be revealed unto him. Wherefore brethren, despise not the revelations of God." (Jacob 4:8)

"For behold he judgeth, and his judgment is just. and the infant perisheth not that dieth in his infancy, but men drink damnation to their own souls except they humble themselves and become as little children, and believe that salvation was, and is, and is to come, in and through the atoning blood of Christ." (Mosiah 3:18)

"And now behold, my brethren, what natural man is there that knoweth these things? I say unto you, there is none that knoweth these things, save the penitent." (Alma 26:21)

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true. And if ye shall ask with sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:4-5)

I have tried the Lord. I have read that book more times than I can count. I cannot deny the feelings and the impressions that come to me when I read it. My mind truly has been enlightened by the Spirit many times. I know that my feelings and my testimony are not as convincing on paper as a well written persuasive essay. Nor does my testimony obey the rules of intellectual discussion. I am aware that my testimony can be ridiculed as something indiscernible and blind, and placing too much trust in 12 old and imperfect men. But when I choose to be a member of the church and follow the counsel of the quorum of the 12 Apostles, that is not blind following. Because if I choose to follow them, it is only on account of the testimony that I personally attained through my study of the Holy Scriptures and their words today. I know that I do my best to choose the right. After so much inner battle wondering if my heart is really pure, I tell you today, my heart is pure in this. I did not come to these conclusions because of my friends or my family guided me through this. Rather, I arrived at these conclusions only after COUNTLESS hours of critical analysis, meditation, and sincere prayer.

I bear witness that the Book of Mormon is true. There is a power in that book that is indescribable. I bear witness because I have seen with my own eyes the lives of many persons changed in miraculous ways because of that book. It answers the questions of our souls, whatever they may be. It guides us to a path of good, tolerant, christian action if we abide by its teachings. But even more, it is better than a good book that helps us to be good neighbors and do good things. It contains the words to eternal life.

Remember Jesus with his disciples in the book of John chapter 6 when talking about the sacrament:"when they had heard this, they said this is a hard saying, who can hear it?...From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him." (John 6:60, 66)"Then said Jesus unto the twelve, will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life." (John 6: 67-68)

I doubted my faith and to some extent, I still don't know, considered going home. I read the Book of Mormon again. And I heard these words from the book of John spoken to my mind, as I finished the book of Alma. Where on Earth would I go? I don't want to just be in a good path. I want to be in the right path. I want the "words of eternal life."

I know the scriptures are true and that the Lord is aware of each and every one of us. Jesus Christ is His son and He did come to this Earth and pay the price for ALL of us. There is no other name given whereby mankind may be saved. "Everything that is unfair about life will be made right through the infinite Atonement of our Savior." (President Gordon B. Hinckley) I place my trust in Him and trust that if I sincerely try and do what is right, He won't let me falter too far. "ask and ye shall receive", "if any of ye lack wisdom, let him ask of God." That is what I did.

I pray this testimony is as humble as possible. We all have our doubts. We all face our "hard sayings to hear". Whether it be gay marriage or living prophets or a really bad bishop, we must face the difficult situation as did Peter of old and ask ourselves and the Lord Himself "Where would we go when He has the words of eternal life." It is more than good path. It is the correct path.

I love you all so much!!
Andy